Being Vulnerable

Hey y'all. Happy Tuesday! 

I am going to be very vulnerable today and share with y'all something that I never publicly have.  Yes, there are people that know this but others do not. I didn't try not to post it but I never felt like a Facebook status was the appropriate time and place. 

I have and am learning that being vulnerable and transparent is much more rewarding than putting on a front that everything is fine. Things are sometimes REALLY not fine. 

I have attended three different colleges and don't have a bachelors degree. 

Here is that story: 

My whole life I've ALWAYS wanted to serve people. My baby sister Sarah has Down Syndrome and had open heart surgery at 12 days old. I watched those doctors and nurses care for her and have always desired to be that person to others. So, in high school I was certain that I was going to be a nurse. And so the track was set. 

I attended one community college in NC, where we were living at the time, and failed to get into their nursing program. I had to wait another year until I could apply again. So, in the mean time God directed me to go to Lincoln Christian University in Lincoln, IL. (Where all my older siblings and most of my in-laws have attended as well) I was so pumped about the nursing program that LCU was partnered with.  After 2.5 years of school there, leaving with an Associates in Science, I attended St. Francis Medical Center College of Nursing in Peoria, IL. I LOVED it. I was pretty freaking good at the clinical portion of school too. However, I am a HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, NO-GOOD test taker. It never mattered the amount of studying I did, I would walk in confident and walk out beaten down. Even more so after the grades were posted. 

I was beyond blessed to have completed 3/4 semesters passing all classes except one. In nursing school, if you don't pass a class you have to extend schooling by another semester. AND you can only fail one time or you're kicked out of the school.

Long story short, I appealed my grade, sought out teachers to back me up and tried SO hard to have the 1.2 points I needed to pass overlooked or added in some way. Nope, nothing. 

No biggie, right? I'll just go another semester. HA. 

I was engaged to be married that September and was supposed to graduate with my BSN in December. How could I spend ANOTHER whole semester away from not only my fiancee, but my HUSBAND?! How am I supposed to get married without a job lined up!?

I struggled so bad with it, y'all. When I found out I failed, I wept. The teacher called me and I literally couldn't even speak. I put my heart and soul into nursing school. It was who I was. Well, who I was going to be. I just knew God wanted that for me. He perfectly guided my steps and moved mountains to get me there. Every semester I would be so close to failing and He would miraculously show up and I would pass. 

I KNEW God wanted me to be a nurse. 

But He KNEW better. 

My dad saw me struggle and I would cry in his arms. I just couldn't see what God's plan was in all of this. My hope for the future was incredibly diminished and I almost lost the joyfully expectant heart I had for getting married to the love of my life so soon. 

 Until one day my dad looked me right in the eye and said, "Stephanie, does God want you to be a wife or a nurse right now?" 

Holy. Moley. Dad. 

In that moment it was clear to me. I could be a great nurse and get that degree but God wanted me to focus on what it means to be a wife. 

God's way is not always the easy way but His way was more rewarding than an RN, BSN behind my name. It has taken me time to realize that but not once has He left my side in guiding me to what was and is next. His peace and contentment has been showered over me ever sense. I would never trade the  first three months of married life actually living with my husband for a degree. The long distance relationship was over. We would finally be together, united in Christ as one. 

Ya wanna know what's even crazier?! 

My life long desire to be a nurse is GONE. 

All I know is that if I don't desire to be in God's will, then I ever will be. Do I still want to care for people and be the hands and feet of Christ? Every single day. And He has provided a job for me to do so. (Another story for another day.) 

For those of you that have wondered why I moved to Mississippi earlier than planned, this is why. For those of you that maybe disagree with my choice to be a wife first, I don't live on this earth to serve you. For those of you that have failed in the past, it is my goal to encourage you to keep pursuing Christ and His perfect plan for your life. 

He is faithful. He is good. I was made for a reason and I need to let whatever God has created me for to be known and not hidden. 

Love, 

Stephanie Rae

The Second Post is the Hardest

Ok y'all. I have to be totally transparent. 

I have no idea where to start with this blog. 

There are so many things I could say or want to say but my goal is not just to fill up space on the internet. I want to be intentional and be an encouragement. My desire is to share what is meaningful to me so that maybe, just maybe, it will be meaningful to you. 

After writing and deleting about 46 options for a second paragraph I've decided to just tell you a few topics that I'll be posting about in the near future. 

1. Jesus & my relationship with Him

2. My husband, Tyler. (UGH he's so wonderful)

3. My little dapple dachshund boy, Finn

4. My family. O'Malley's & Pav's 

5. My job. I LOVE being a nanny for P&C

6. College & my lack of a bachelors degree

7. Goals, dreams, desires of mine & Tyler's

8. A weekly bit of encouragement 

9. Our house building process

10. The friends we couldn't live without

I am certain I will cover more topics but for now that's my starting point. Blogging isn't as easy as I thought but heck, maybe I'm putting too much thought into it. 

As I sit here outside of my employers house, while the girls take their nap, I am listening to the sweet sounds of a bird singing its morning song  If it was 6am and I was in bed this might be annoying, but it's 10:45am so we're good. haha

I'm amazed at God's so perfect design. He holds us and reminds us daily that no matter the ugly happening in the world now, this too shall pass & we will be in beautiful Glory with Him one day. I envy the care-free singing of the sweet bird & it's trust that food will be provided, a shelter is made, the skies are clear and a day is ahead full of opportunity. Simplicity is key, my friends. And as I write that I'm reminded to stop putting too much thought into something so trivial. It's a BLOG. So again, here goes nothing. :) 

Love, 

Stephanie Rae 

25 & Blog is a Funny Word

For those of you that don't know me, I am Stephanie Rae Pav. 

I turned 25 on October 1. 

I am married to the best man ever, Tyler Pav. 

We have a dachshund & he's the love of our lives. 

I am a nanny. 

My family is enormous. 

I was raised in Illinois, lived in North Carolina & home was found in Mississippi. 

I've been to three different colleges and don't have a bachelors. 

I drive a Jeep. I shoot guns. I'm not quiet. 

I laugh too loud & am very passionate. 

I love to sing but don't do it enough.

I love to make friends. 

I LOVE to travel.  

I love Jesus with my whole being & pray that this blog brings Him glory. 

This is Tyler, Finn & I on our first anniversary. (September 20, 2016)

Now that you know the raw details of who I am, I'd love to let you know that this blog has been something I've contemplated for a very long time. I have been through a whole lot in my short 25 years & God has been so incredibly gracious. I know there are a lot of people who write blogs and share their views and opinions very boldly.  Yes, mine will add to it, but I pray that I will only shine a positive light & share how God has gotten me through some of life's hardest hurdles... so far. I know many are to come. :) 

"Blog" is such a strange word. Just wanna point that out. 

I'm new to this, be gracious. 

Love, 

Stephanie Rae